still a battle

So I had a slight emotional breakdown a couple of weeks ago...

Silas' PT, Michelle, was here for therapy.  We were about 15 minutes in, and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to ask how long it would be before Silas walked.  I was hoping for like two weeks.  She said he'd probably walk within the next two months.  Well, October 6th was Silas' 18-month birthday, which was the "deadline" I had sort of set in my own mind for when he should be walking.  For some reason, the realization that he wouldn't be walking by then set me off.  This resulted in 60 minutes of tears, with Michelle trying to comfort me...

Most days, the anxiety is minimal.  But sometimes if I go too long without really thinking and processing my fears/worries, I fall into a sinful pattern of trusting in Silas' progress rather than in the Lord's goodness.  It is so easy to hang my hopes on Silas' improvement, hoping that everything is going to be okay.  What I have to tell myself over and over is that our God is GOOD, that He knows what is best for our family, and that it might be very different than what I think is best.

You can pray for me in this, that I would trust in the Lord and not in my own silly "goals" or "deadlines" for Silas.  I am especially nervous about Si's 18-month appointment on Tuesday.  I'm afraid the ped is going to want to run more tests on our boy...and I don't know if my heart can handle it.  But the Lord is faithful to give us sufficient grace for each day that comes...